Sad

I used to be the jolliest kid in the block. I was legit bubbly, running all over the place, kind of clumsy, BUT REALLY HAPPY. Extremely happy. It was the kind of happiness I think only children not older than 7 years old can truly have. I mean, over the years, I've had enjoyable times here and there; made fun memories one after the other, but it has been quite a long time since I felt genuine happiness. A looooooooong time! I can't fully explain what I mean by genuine happiness, though. That scares me. Does this mean I will never know of 'true' happiness ever again?

Maybe not.

I've just been really depressed the past few days.
I do not really have an outlet for my fears, my pain, my regrets, my anxiety.
And then I have trust issues. I just can't confide in others! Which sucks. Sometimes I just really wanna break down and cry already, but I just hold back everything.

Anyway...

This blog has been my only outlet for all of my bottled-up emotions.

Okay...
So...
I don't know...

Maybe I will never be as happy as I was when I was in kindergarten. Whatever. I may find little pockets of happiness along the way, but... Basta! Growing old sucks! I'm 18 now. So, yeah, I'm just another depressed teen desperately trying to find even just a ray of sunshine and a drop of happiness in this pain-in-the-ass, dark, cruel world!

Sad.
What a sad life.